Supafine!

On the road to self-improvement.

Awoke early enough to work out before breakfast. Discovered, by reading my library copy of SHAPE, that I must increase both the cardio and the strength training I've been doing. I hardly broke a sweat today -- which is not to say that I wasn't working. But I wasn't dripping buckets like last time.

I'm seriously considering joining a gym. Shall research more later. Am envisioning buns of steel, abs of steel, wee MB kicking major ass ... mmmm (drools).

Smoking front: Yeah, so I still haven't quit. I bought a pack of "CAMEL Crema: Creamy and Indulgent Tobacco" cigarettes today. They're supposed to taste like vanilla. They're OK. No one in Maryland sells my damn Kamel Red Lights, though, which is annoying.

Home front: Iain is sick today. His "twice-a-year" flu has turned into a quarterly flu. I bought him some Nyquil to stand in my stead while I am at work tomorrow. Wish I could be there to take care of him. This bout of sickness is possibly related to the snow we had today; thankfully, it's supposed to get into the mid-70s by Thursday.

Apparel front: So I bought a pair of Italian leather sandals today ... mmmm, discount. They'll be perfect for when I can fit into last year's summer clothes again ... and for when the damn weather warms up. Would still like a new pair of short pants and a skirt to wear to work. I shall dress to impress. Perhaps not the suits and twinsets; am leaning toward urban chic [not Shaft MB, as was a previous fashion faux pas].

OK. Deep, introspective piece I wrote Friday disappeared into the abyss when my computer crashed.

So you'll get this mini-recap instead.

Friday: Went to Target, bought scale. Weight: 115, much more reasonable. Worked out again. Felt happy and much more self-positive, much less obsessive.

Happy hour at the pub, where we, plus TM and SC, debated this: Can absolute morality exist without God? Absolute morality = there is at least one thing that is wrong for everyone, no matter what. Points of discussion: Random killing of bar patrons, notion of morality inherent in natural selection and natural law, evolution, Nazi Germany, orangutan rape, cell phones in schools. The argument came to a draw, to be continued next week, same bat time, same bat channel.

Saturday: Iain and I visited REI to check out boots, tents, new packs, new sleeping bags. He's definitely getting back to Wyoming this summer. I probably wont' get to go, because of work and all, but that's OK.

Grilled chicken for dinner, then a game of cribbage, which I skunked him on.

New addition: My aunt'n'uncle had their fourth baby this weekend, Jacob Curtis, bringing the number of cousins I have to 11, 10 of them boys.

Sigh .. I wish I had saved that brilliant entry from Friday. I finally hashed out all my self-image concerns, figured out all that shit, laid it out. But .. That's an analog line for you. That's crapAOL for you. Brilliance deleted in the blink of an eye. At any rate, at least it got into my head, if not into yours.

P.S. Soon-to-be farewell for PhotoDan, as he is packing bags for a short move to Australia. He has managed to escape the clutches of Sandusky, and for this he deserves hearty applause. Wish him well on his voyage down under.

The internet: Taking the work out of everything.

Phew! So I took my online pregnancy test and I'm unpregnant. It was so easy and convenient! These statistics were revealed to me, regarding my eventual first-born child:

Sex: female
Birth weight: 18 lbs. 0 oz.
Length at birth: 5 inches
Chance of mangling birth-defect: 7%
Most likely defect: March of Dimes.

Looks like it's smooth sailing.

I went "grandma-shopping," i.e. look but don't buy. And then I had a high-protein semi-healthy lunch of tuna, crackers and water and then I worked out for a while and then I did more grandma-shopping. Then we had steak for dinner and watched the Friends re-runs, one of which was interrupted for like 10 minutes so that "News Central" could tell us that yes, a man in Baghdad was drinking tea today. Then it was "Scrubs."

Good day, all around. Between the meeting and the exercise endorphins, I'm feeling pretty damn good ... much unlike the past two days. I'm leaving the posts on there, but I'm warning you all to take them with a grain of salt, as I was very moody and possibly hormonal.

Deadlines? We don't need no steenkin' deadlines!

Yesterday I was uncomfortable in my shirt. Today i was uncomfortable in my ass-smashing pants. I think the problem is ... I'm uncomfortable in my skin. I don't know why I am so fat. I honestly can't wear last year's pants anymore. I am only carrying about 8 -10 extra pounds, but a 5'4" frame is not enough to stretch that out over ... plus I am not carrying it in my damn tits, where I could use the help.

Fuck fuck fuck. Okay, this is it, i better wake up fucking ecstatic tomorrow. I will eat nothing but water and flavored water, and I will exercise for 3 hours. Four days of that and I'll be good as new. Barring that ... it's back to the old tried-and-true method: sustain a massive head/face/mouth injury. I'll be back down to 95 lbs in no time.

Fuck! I thought cigarettes were supposed to be a damn diet aid!

For promotional use only. Not for rent or resale.

One bonus about working for a newspaper again: free stuff. Crappy free stuff, but hell. Promo videos of Bad Boys, Sugar and Spice and ... Strange Days, i think. Haven't seen any of them, but they looked more promising [albeit only marginally] than a story about alien ducks coming to Earth to take over the world.

Crappy day, today, actually. I was self-conscious in the shirt i was wearing [a little too clingy and low-cut] and my new glasses.

I had diet Dr Pepper, lo-fat crackers, and a lean-cuisine dinner -- fucking diet bullshit is ridiculous. It all tastes like shit.

And then, when I got home, a sign on the door notified me that all the parking spots in the lot in front of my building must be vacated before 7:30 a.m. There's not another spot to be had for miles ... so I have to get up at 5:45 or whatever make-believe time Iain actually leaves for school so I can take his spot and not get towed.

All right. Now it's time to read a bit and get my blood pressure into an acceptable range before I attempt to sleep. Fuck. I hope I wake up happy tomorrow, or someone's gonna get the finger. And I really hate to do that.

"Holes. The book is now the movie."

Talk about a really bad tagline.

Anyway. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. It was at least 70 today, sunshiny goodness. I got my new glasses .. it's Jill Stuart, not Jill Scott. Not that it matters. But i love these things: it's like putting on a pair of binoculars everyday! I can see shit! And shit's pretty!

So, turns out I'm not the only one disappointed by the Awards last night. Other people are just more adept at expressing my thoughts for me.

And I was really disappointed that people booed Michael Moore. I mean, really. It's like his job to dis Bush. (Ahem) He wins awards for that kind of thing.

OK. Not really that much happenin'. I'm going to upload some pictures I drew to my website, so check 'em out.

Hmmm ... ninjas.

Why, why isn't Steve Martin funny anymore?

Oscars are on ... ucky ucky. I don't think I've watched these before .. and I have a strong feeling i wasn't missing anything. What a crock. What a crock of wrong-winning, self-absorbed, unentertaining bullshit.

I was really looking forward to a little diversion from the gutwrenching war coverage today ... but Mr Oscar ain't it. Why am I even surprised ...

Speaking of gutwrenching war coverage ... I almost couldn't take it today. It was like Sept. 12 all over again ... when it's still new, and they keep uncovering gruesome stuff, and you haven't become immunized to it yet. They interviewed Hudson's mother from New Mexico, and they showed footage of actual dead Iraquis, and I almost lost it.

I want this to be over.

In other news: I am so sick of people appropriating and remixing Simon and Garfunkel tunes to hawk Gap pants and insurance and shit. Take a perfectly good mellow song and turn it into crap. How awful. You know, Simon's singing right now, at the awards.

I also saw a Penneys' ad today, featuring the lyrics "I am a one-girl revolution," or something to that effect. Right, all the demure blonde Rrrevolutionaries are gonna be fighting for freedom in pastel twinsets and matching capris from a discount department store. Ugh. Please. If you're gonna go girlpower [and please ... find a new fad cause] do it authentically. I want to see some fat women. Lesbians. Chicanas. Blacks. Asians. Ugly people. Intelligent people. Sympathetic men. Poor women. Pregnant teens. I do not want my revolution hogged by J.C. Penney catalog models.

Other things pissing me off: "12 U.S. military personnel were captured today, including a woman." Why they gotta say that, "including a woman"? What's the underlying motivation? Why not "12 soldiers were captured today, including 11 men." Or "four brown-eyed people." or "seven blonds." If she's in the military, she's in the military, just like those guys. The whole "women and children first" thing ...

On the other hand .. maybe it's raising awareness of women's increasing involvement in the military. We're tough too. We get captured and fight for our country too. Hmm .. maybe it goes both ways. I haven't decided.

Boy, am I cranky today.

Woo hoo! Mad Libs update!! My girl Carrie has graciously donated several for my site. Click above or visit my site to see 'em. There are also some on there by me, Iain, Matt S. and my little sis, Brownie Mix.

"I got a bratty brother
bugs me every day
and this morning my own mother
gave my last cupcake away.

My dad acts like he belongs
he belongs in a zoo
i'm the saddest kid
in grade number two."

So Iain's learning blues/jazz harmonica today. It's nice to have him wailing away on guitar and his "tin sandwich," providing a little live music.

Today was a really good day. I liked myself, you know? Only when I'm having a self-positive day, like today, that I realize how down on myself i am the rest of the time.

I've been feeling fat lately, I'm not entirely sure why. But today as I was reading my new BUST I realized that I'd rather feel fat then be dead ... the conclusion being that I can either eat, and live, or starve myself, and be skinny, but dead. I choose option A. Amazing how I forget this stuff 'til I look at something other than Fox or Victoria's Secret catalogues.

Also picked up BITCH today. And i was realizing, as I was perusing Barnes and Noble [yeah, it's commercial, but it's convenient and also stocks my two fave mags, so i'm not complaining] that I have a whole lotta interests. I started in periodicals [art, current affairs], moved to fiction [looking for a new Marian Keyes] then to Current Affairs, then to Media and Journalism, then to Web Design and Development. It's a tiny thing, but having many sections to include in my store-wide browse makes me feel happy.

More femi-political thoughts coming later, when I'm done reading my magazines.

My baby loves a bunch of authors.

All right. Iain's playing guitar, learning some new songs. We just finished doing our taxes -- for real, this time, stamps and everything. Estimated refund is in the lower 4-digit range. I'm fucking jazzed about that, man.

Iain's reading over my shoulder right now, making me all self-conscious and stuff.

All right, he's gone. Not much else to report, anyway.

Today: Cashed my first paycheck and got my hair cut -- not too short, don't worry, just trimmed the beginnings of a GirlMullett from the back. It's all cute now, instead of strangely shaggy. Finished a book, reportedly the "male Bridget Jones's Diary" ("My Legendary Girlfriend," Michael Gayle), but it was much worse. I'm such a sucker for British protagonists with self-esteem issues. Bought "Jemima J" for $2 -- it's in the same vein.

Pizza for dinner, and then a little Fox Comedy Tune-Up and a little of that tasty Peter Jennings.

Also talked to Chillicothe Carrie today. She was the one who made me put a guestbook on Supafine: The Site, so everybody acknowledge that and go sign it, OK?

That means you, too, Carrie. None of this "I don't have a computer!" bullshit! Just kidding. I miss you, B.B.C.

Tomorrow: No Pets for Noah is playin' at The Barn, so we're gonna go git our drink on.

I'm going to name my children after television war correspondents: Wolf, Forrest and Christiane. I like those better than Bob, Carl and Gloria [Woodward, Bernstein and Steinem].

There's flies on me
And there's flies on you
But there ain't no flies on Jesus

Waffle, waffle waffle. Since I don't have cable, and therefore don't have CNN, I am glad that the networks are extending coverage of Desert Storm 2: Back with a Vengeance.

However, when they interrupt a re-run of "Friends" on the weekday Fox Comedy Tune-Up, a re-run I've never seen, to tell me that a man in Baghdad is drinking tea today ... I get pissed off.

Been surfing the web a lot this evening. Stumbled across Tom Tomorrow's blog. I do so like that guy. Also read one by a guy named Salam who lives in Baghdad; I'm not sure what his deal is, but as a regular guy writing about living in the city as we bomb the hell out of it ... it's an interesting read.

I miss Peter Jennings. I think he musta gone home for the night; haven't seen him since this afternoon.

But, seeing as I'm quite sick of this war already, I'm going to talk about something else. Yes ... something ... anything ... else ...

Such as ... taxes! Federal and state income taxes. Fascinating stuff today. Just me, my calculator, my pencil, and my 1040EZ. Sure is a bitch to do this year, what with the marriage, partial Maryland residency, cashing in of savings bonds, interest paid on school loans. No more telefile for me, no sirree Bob.

Discovered that we'll get almost $400 more if we do it Married Filing Separately, 'sted Jointly. Jesus. But we get a fat return either way, federal and state, so I'm jazzed.

Besides income tax returns, wanna know what else I like about being a grown-up? Eating ice cream for dinner. Iain had French Vanilla (not I-hate-the-french-vanilla) and I had Heath Bar Crunch. Then we watched "Scrubs," which was, as usual, funny. Nothing like a little ... diversion ... to keep one's mind off national security.

Let the dangertainment begin.

The Great Go-Goop War.

The Gulf War II Drinking Game.

Taking the Work Out of Protesting Stuff.

Star-Spangled Ice Cream.

Is it war yet? Is it war yet? Is it war yet?

You know, there's a scale in the women's restroom at work, which I thought was odd. Then I heard someone trying to chuck up her lunch the other day. It makes me wonder.

Shit, the news is on. I think this is it.

Calories: 1000. Pounds: 118. Hours worked: 19.

Another Phat Tuesday done -- I amaze myself. Poor "Donna" was out today, and will be for a few weeks, because her hubby had a heart attack, unfortunately. So I did my newspaper all by myself, without any help, and today was only my 5th day of work. Made all my deadlines today, too!

PLUS I got my very first paycheck ... I am extremely tickled that is says TRIBUNE CO. on it in big fat letters. Yeah, baby. Who's got corporate sponsorship now?

Golden Oldies: U2, Nine Inch Nails, Hootie and the Blowfish, The Wallflowers, Smashing Pumpkins .. it was like high school all over again on the radio tonight.

Dark side of the moon: So the downside about working for practically two days straight is that I don't get to see Iain from Monday night to Wednesday night. The upside is that I get little notes in funny places, and that cheers me up again.

Provocative, evocative: The air today smelled like spring, like Bowling Green, like a summer's evening, like 202 Scott Hamilton Street, like going to concerts at Pine Knob, like playing in the backyard, like drinking in the front yard, like flowers, sweat, chalk and rain.

Friday is the First Day of Spring ... it's almost time for flip-flops and short-pants, my friends.

Why stop at Freedom Fries?

Thank you, David. Somehow, I feel better about myself, but I miss you all the more.

"It's pronounced NUKE-you-ler" ...

I think I'm having a physical reaction to Bush's speech.

I've watched the address, but I'm not yet at a point where I have a firm opinion.

Just some thoughts and observations:

1. I feel all nervous and sick.
2. I feel strangely sympathetic toward Bush.
3. I may not be as firmly against this war as I was yesterday.
4. I wonder if Saddam is truly the Hitler of 2003?
5. I want Peter Jennings to hold my hand.
6. Bushie's got some good speechwriters.
7. Am I so easily swayed by a handful of good speechwriters?
8. Does Martin Sheen have a point?
9. Reading the messsage boards on this topic was a depressing mistake.
10. I should be making an infographic right now, instead of trying to analyze this stuff.
11. I do much better responding to other people's opinions than coming up with my own. I blame it on my Zodiac sign -- Libra -- that I always have to see both sides of the issue.
12. Oh, God ... I hope I don't throw up.

In other news not of importance to national security: I ordered my glasses today. Surprise, surprise, I'm a little nearsighted. So in 5-7 business days, I'll have my new spex: Jill Scott wire frames and brandless geek frames. I am realizing that I have no idea who this Jill Scott character is ...

My sis, "Brownie Mix," insists that wearing fake glasses is cool, and wearing prescription glasses is uncool, so I was cool three years ago when i wore my plano Urban Outfitters frames, but am now a square.

Well -- I sure am glad that's figured out.

Thanks be to Ross.

OK. After days of mysterious JavaScript error messages, I decided to figure out what the hell was wrong with my mothercrappin' computer.

Glorious Omniscient Ross of the online help center ("Please do not worry. I am here," he said) advised me to download some new MRJ and the latest IE version.

Considering that I've been running the same software on this iMac for about 5 years -- since I bought it off my old boss -- it's no wonder that the works were jamming up.

So: Downloads done, hard-drive rebooted, desktop rebuilt, and it's all smooth sailing, thank the Good Ross.

OK. Pork chops for dinner, cobbler for dessert, warm evening breeze, simpsons on the telly. Life is good.

Except -- I'm fresh out of real smokes, so I'm burning my lungs on this homemade unfiltered crap.

But, tobacco is still tobacco. No complaints.

Last night: At Champion Billiards, Team Eastman blew everyone out of the water. Boom-boom-boom, we took down teams Kuchner/Panuska and Blake/Schell at every turn. The key: I lull them with my horrible technique, then Iain busts out the final-moment quintuple shot. We were so smokin' -- 9 wins total, six consecutive.

Woke up today with a hangover, but it's so worth it.

Tomorrow: Visit to the Towson discount vision retailer for a pair of damn glasses. After 10 years of 20/20 vision, I can no longer read road signs. So I'm going to lay down some optical smack, know what I'm talking about?

OK. "Igby" was surprisingly good; "Oleander" was decent but the book was better. Today is "Flashdance," later, after I clean house and shower.

Curling is on the telly -- Iain can jam on the guitar and enjoy Canadian sports at the same time. Quite amazing, really.

Tonight: Shooting pool with KK and the gang. We'll see how this compares to The Talking Head (last week's bar).

Woo hoo! Today we are screening Igby Goes Down, White Oleander [because I just read the book] and Flashdance, which I, amazingly, have never seen.

Iain's grading papers ... dear god, but kids are dumb nowadays. Seriously.

Example from one lab paper: Q "Why should you be careful with the pipette?"
A "So the teacher don't kno your high"

Dear God.

All right. I'm having a skinny day, so i'm gonna go work it now.

Mmmm... Olive Garden ...

I may never eat again. I am so sated. I am so done. Foodwise, I am spent.

Good to see Lou and Natasha [Iain's sis] tonight. Lou is pestering us for grandbabies so he has someone convenient to spoil. Iain asked, "Why can't you just spoil us?" Lou laughed.

So Iain was especially antsy today. I won't say too much, because I don't think he likes his private life broadcast for everyone the world over to see. But I am concerned at his all-consuming anxiety ... I think he's too anxious and worrying for his own good. It can't be healthy. I can't get him to relax. I don't know what to do: Because he does worry, he always gets things done on time, and done well, and done thoroughly. But I still think it can't be all good.

Maybe that's my inner Slack talking. I don't know.

Anyway, there's no one online, and i feel like a bit of a pariah, and all out of sorts, because I missed my Thursday night television -- they call it "must-see TV" for a reason, in my opinion.

Gah.

So how long does it take for me to make work-friends?! I'm lonely.

Thanks to Mandy-sa for wakin' my lazy ass up at 1 p.m. today. She is well on her way to having her first book published, and I'll be able to say I knew her when.

So much to say, so little time:

1. Interesting thread on the old Newsers' listproc -- hotness of underage girls. I have so much to say and can't even express it all.

2. I kicked way too much ass at the paper today.

3. Arlo Guthrie crankin' on the stereo, wide blue Maryland skies, 60 freaking degrees ... Goddamn, but this is a beautiful state.

4. Actually awoke at the appointed time today: 7:30 a.m. Five hours of sleep. Am now ready to begin my weekend and catch up.

5. Goin' to see Papa Lou tomorrow in some town on the Eastern Shore, I think. PL is Iain's dad. We're going to Olive Garden, which is actually a treat because A. We never go out to dinner [hardly ever, anyway] and B. I love italian, even fake italian, and iain hates it.

6. Actually heard a Beasties "Anti-war rap" on HFS today ... some weird fucking shit, man, when the Beastie Boys are rapping about oil families.

OK, that's a wrap.

Calories: 1235. Cigarettes: 8, v.g. Alcohol units: 0. Excellent.

Holy crap. Just got home, and have got to be back up at 7:30 a.m. Truly nuts.

Vision has become fogged with fatigue. No shit. I'm blind! I'm blind!

Another good day. Third day on the job, and it's so handled. Think, perhaps, may even make deadline tomorrow, just for giggles. Actually kind of surprised at how good I am ... maybe job is too easy? Or maybe this is how work is supposed to be: Challenging, but not mind-numbingly, energy-sappingly, hysterically taxing.

Interesting thought.

Not much else on the menu: Was gonna work out this morning. Hah. Had to go shopping for emergency white camisole instead -- discovered, en route to work, that blouse was too sheer for corporate dress-policy standards. Faced with "office slut" moniker or "terminally late" designation, so chose the latter.

Realizing that anticipation of a paycheck has unleashed the floodgates of three months of pent-up, voluntarily-checked shopping urges. Must tie own hands together and freeze debit card before acquire entirely brand-new, tasteful, size 4 Spring wardrobe.

Apologies to Helen Fielding for blatant copyright infringement of writing style.

UofMwriter (10:39p.m.): Mary Beth, I am in agreement with you completely, 100 percent.

An exoneration of Matt S. .... He does "get it." Let's all give him a hand, and welcome him into the flock!!

Phew. Made it to Towson Town Center [why, oh why, can't Marylanders just call their malls "malls"?). An elaborate Habitrail of parking, levels, wings, the whole deal. But i made my way to A+F for old time's sake (I used to be a Brand Representative before I smashed my face in and they fired me) for a new pair of jeans to fit my ample, voluptuous behind. (Voluptuous just sounds better than big fat ass).

Also visited VS for some undies to hide underneath said jeans. God bless low-rise bikinis.

Dinner: Satisfied iain's urge for KFC by driving all the way out to Belair for a bucket and the all-important 'slaw. I am the best non-cooking wife ever.

Today's TV thought: "Date My Mom" has to be the funniest reality-show title I've heard all day.

Getting it: So i just tried to describe to Matt what he didn't "get" about assault. Do you "get it" or not? E-mail me. This should not be such a taboo subject.

Kris had some points to offer about the impending war with Iraq, and a question I had:

"Food for thought in reply to does anti-war mean anti-american: Alexander Hamilton, way back in the day, said better a good man from an opposing party than a scoundrel from my own in response to the nomination of Aaron Burr for president. Interesting, who would have the balls to do that today. Also, in romanticizing the creation of our own republic many have forgotten that their were distinct and at times volatile difference of opinions among the founding fathers. Note to self: read about the federalists AND the anti-federalists. In my own research, some 250+ loyalists welcomed the British troops into Charleston during the Revolutionary War. Welcomed, i.e., rejoiced. 'Liberty is the ability to disagree.'"

-the great Kristalyn Shefveland-Telenko, MA student, DePaul University, Chicago

It's entirely too late to be awake. Some horrible action show is on FOX right now, and I should really get up before noon tomorrow, maybe go shopping -- enjoy my last weekend day before work begins Tuesday and doesn't stop 'til Wednesday is over.

Revisited my college days today, in a way. Got into a "discussion" with Matt S. about rape, victimhood, man-haters, feminism. Reminded me of all the stuff I did in school with SAIN [Sexual Assault Information Network], the Take Back The Night march, The Clothesline Project. Was reminded that just because Iain is enlightened and "gets it" doesn't mean everybody else does. Sometimes, I even forget there's something "to get."

I have to say, it feels good to remember that anger and that compassion. To get heated up about something I feel strongly about, and to revisit a culture I used to be very involved in. I wish there was still some element of college for us graduates, you know? The same sort of clubs and idealism, but no classes or tuition. I'm kind of sedentary and lazy without it, enclosed in my own world.

Not much happening today.

Slept late. Read the paper. Interesting feature spread in the Sun today: "Does anti-war mean anti-American?"

I don't think it does. Exercising freedom of speech is one of the most American things you can do. Therefore, protesting the war on Iraq is just as patriotic as supporting it.

I oppose this war. I feel it's inevitable, but I don't have to be happy about it.

Okay, kids, that's it. Gonna renew my library books now.

Thank you, and good night.